Playstation Home Impressions


Seriously? What is this crap? Playstation Home came out of closed beta last week and is now in “Open beta”, which basically means it’s available, but if it’s buggy as hell you can’t blame Sony because it’s still in beta… right. The following are my experiences with Playstation Home last Thursday.

I actually got home from work early on Thursday since we had our work holiday party and once it was over we got to go home. It wasn’t much of a party we just went out to lunch and got gift cards to Best Buy, which come to think of of it we haven’t gotten yet, but anyways. I got home early and started the download which is only about 77 megs so it went pretty quickly with no issues. Keep in mind that the 77 megs is just the initial download, the program asks you to set aside a little over 3GB for stuff that you may download or other sections of the “world”. The download finished and I launched the app… and that was as far as I got on Thursday. Nothing but errors. I couldn’t even get to the EULA, I kept getting some weird error and had to back out and try again. After a while I finally got the EULA and accepted, but I couldn’t connect to any servers or anything. I gave up.

Friday after work I decided to try to connect again and was able to get in this time. I’m sure Thursday’s issues were just from the amount of people downloading it and trying to connect. So I make an avatar guy and head out into the Home world. I’m dumped into an empty apartment and have no desire to spend real money to buy furniture, I leave. Now I have to wait for the thing to download the main area of Home. And even though it was only ~20 megs, it took about 15 minutes to download.

So here I am in the central area of the Home world. It’s basically like a little outdoor mall/park area with a fountain and entrances to things like a bowling alley, movie theater and shopping mall. Each of these different sections requires another small download, but those seemed to go a lot faster than the main area download. So there I am in the main area walking around…  and that’s it, that’s all there is to Playstation Home, you walk around. I guess it’s meant as a sort of interactive chat room type thing to find friends and start games, but the Playstation 3 does not come standard with a headset or a keyboard so talking to people is pretty difficult. There are preset greetings and replies that you can use, but “Yes, No and Thanks!” get old after a while. So with conversation out of the picture, the only thing left to do is dance.

I don’t know why but I was pretty amused by the dancing. In the central area there is a spot with a big TV that plays music and people just congregate over there and dance. And most of the time it’s just a bunch of dudes dancing with each other, so I nicknamed this area “The Jackhammer”. Every once in a while you would get a girl that would wonder into The Jackhammer to do a few moves, but once she gets raped by about 12 dudes, she would run away in fear. So after dancing for about 2 seconds I got bored and decided the only thing to do in this place is to annoy the hell out of the guys that were actually trying to pick up girls in this place. And to be honest I’m pretty sure most of the chicks in Home are actually dudes that just want to fuck with people. So I spent way too much time running up to a guy and a girl that were actually having a conversation, saying “Thanks!” and then doing some extremely gay “Rock N Roll” dance right next to them until they ran away, then I would follow them and do it again… lame, I know, but I couldn’t find anything else to do.

I went into the bowling alley, but all the lanes were taken as were the video games and the pool tables. What is the point of going to pretend bowling alley when all of the lanes are taken. If I wanted to sit around and wait for a lane I would have gone to a real bowling alley. At least there I could enjoy a real beer and check out the jailbait running around. So I left the bowling alley and went to the mall.

The mall is just as lame. It looks like a real shopping mall where you can spend real money to buy furniture for your fake apartment or avatar. Who the fuck would spend $1 to get a pair of jeans for a video game character? Or a couch for your apartment? Not me. So I wandered around the mall and found a bunch of people dancing in front of a big tv that was showing videos of some sort, so I joined the dance party and started making inappropriate comments to the chick dancing next to me, then I sat on the ground and made more lude comments for about 30 seconds until I got bored and quit.

And that was my experience with Playstation Home…. it’s stupid and pointless. I mean, did I miss something? Is there more to it than just running around, hitting on chicks that are probably dudes and dancing at the gay club known as The Jackhammer? If there is would someone please tell me, because I sure as hell couldn’t find anything else to do.

So basically, stay away, it’s dumb and pointless unless you want to pretend dance with a bunch of dudes or hit on trannys. Did anyone else try this crap? What do you think?