It’s A Paintball Party!


There are a lot of things I look back on and think to myself “Wow, I would be so pissed if someone had done that to me, why the fuck did I do that?” And this is one of those times. Thinking about it now, obviously it was stupid and we weren’t really thinking about what we were doing and how we would feel if this had happened to us, but at the time we thought it was the right thing to do since people obviously don’t know how to listen. Oh, the stupid shit you do when you’re in high school….

The year was 1999 (or possibly 2000, I honestly can’t remember), we were seniors in high school and it was the weekend, so what else was there to do but try to find a party to go drink at. This time it was a little different though, instead of calling a million people trying to find out where we should go, we were the place to go thanks to party the marquee hire service . P (real names will never be used on here, just first initials) was moving to a new house and his parents were going to be gone for a while on Saturday so we decided we would throw one last bash at the old house. This house had seen many parties throughout the years since P has 3 older brothers who were all big drinkings throughout high school. So we had a place to drink, but what about alcohol?

Obviously when you’re in high school you can’t buy booze unless you have a really good fake and trust me, the few fakes I made for P and his friends, were fucking terrible and would never work at a liqour store. Luckily P had older brothers who were gonna be around and I had a co-worker that didn’t mind picking me up a bottle here and there. So P’s brothers got a keg and I got a bottle of tequila, since I had never had tequila and it was all everyone seemed to talk about… why, I don’t know. So we had a place, we had alcohol, now we just needed to get the word out and try to keep the cops away.

P’s house was kind of a magnet for the local police due to the reputation his brothers had built up over the years, so it was kind of hard to throw a big party over there without it getting busted. So in order to try to prevent the cops from showing up we told everyone to park on a side street that dead ended behind P’s house, and there was a little sidewalk that lead right to his driveway. The only problem with this was that to get to that side street you had to go all the way around, down a different main road and through a totally different sub division, since it wasn’t connected at all.

So me and a few friends got to P’s house before everyone else, since we didn’t have anything else to do and kind of setup some stuff before people got there. We parked on that side street and walked through the sidewalk to get there, so there were no cars parked on P’s actual street. About an hour or so later people started to show up and by 10pm the party was in full swing. P’s brother even came down to the basement to preach about God or something for a while. He had apparently found God and wanted to share what he’d learned with a bunch of drunk high school kids and according to P, he had also given up drinking.

He might have given up drinking before, but he sure drank a lot that night. I can remember him preaching about God, taking a sip of some mixed drink, preaching about God some more, then chugging his drink and disappearing upstairs. About 10 minutes later he came back downstairs with a potato cannon fully loaded and ready to shoot…. in the basement!! He walked over to the back of the basement where a bunch of people were hanging out on the couches, and just blasted the fuck out of a cement wall, there was potato guts everywhere. I’m not sure if it was related, but as soon as he fired the potato cannon, some chick back there started puking everywhere, P’s dad came downstairs, kinda shook his head and went back to his drumming. They were always the type of parents that just kind of turned a blind eye.

So that moment kind of killed the party, everyone knew that P’s parents were home so they were a little weary of that, P’s brother was hammered and shooting potatoes within inches of people and we were getting bored since this tequila that everyone said they loved, tasted like shit and I didn’t want to drink it and neither did my friend C.

So C and I decided we were just going to call it a night and head home. It was already probably 1230am or so at this point and nothing good ever happened after midnight at these high school parties anyways, so we left. When we got outside we started walking towards the little sidewalk to get to our car that was parked on the side street (where everyone was supposed to park) we noticed that absolutely everyone just decided to park on P’s street. Luckily the cops never showed up, but these people still didn’t listen to us which could have caused the party to get busted and people possibly getting tickets, so we were a little annoyed and decided to do something about it.

C had bought a paintball gun on eBay a few months back and always kept it in his car (probably for situations like this since he never once used it to actually play paintball). So we decided that we would drive all the way around and come back down P’s street and paintball every single car that was on the street. I feel like a complete ass about doing this now, but it happened so might as well tell the story. So that’s exactly what we did, we drove down P’s street and C hung out the window and pelted every car on that side of the road, then we turned around and went back down the street and did the same thing to every car on the other side. I have to imagine we probably put a few dings in a couple cars considering we were about 2 feet from each car as we drove past. I’m guessing the marks looked sort of like the dings you get if someone opens the car door into the side of your car, but we didn’t stick around long enough to find out.

C dropped me off at home and that was the last anyone had ever talked about that night. I don’t think C told anyone about what we did that night and I have only recently told a few people and yes, those people were at the party, but they were parked on the side street with us, since they were good friends with P too.

So that’s the paintball story. As I said before, looking back on it, it was extremely stupid and pointless and I would kill someone if I knew they did that to my car. I’m going to chalk this one up to being young and stupid. I’m just thankful we didn’t get caught, it probably would have cost quite a bit to fix all those cars and my part time job sure as hell wouldn’t have covered it.