I bet a lot of you are wondering why the hell I’m writing about this here since most of the time I write about movies, video games and TV. Well, when I wrote about my upper endoscopy experience a couple months ago it actually got a good amount of attention from google searches so I figured people may be interested in how it feels to get a camera shoved up your ass instead of down your throat. And I’ll tell you right now, the procedure itself was no different to me because they gave me the same medicine that they gave me with the endoscopy and I don’t remember anything. It’s essentially like getting roofied at a party with a bunch of frat guys and waking up not knowing what happened, but having an idea of what may have happened…
This post is kind of graphic as I’m not going to hold anything back as that would be unfair to those that are trying to see what they will experience if they have to go through this. I want to give a clear picture of just what this procedure involves. That said, if you’ve just sat down with a sandwich to check your emails and search for good deals on car or health insurance, then you may want to read this another time. I have a feeling this post might be a little distracting, and probably won’t make the best accompaniment to food. I’m not trying to gross you out, but I did not use proper terms for anything here because I’m not a doctor and I don’t care to refer to shit as stool or shitting as defecating, sorry. So if you’re sensitive to that kind of language you may want to hit up webMD or somewhere else to read about what you may experience. Most people are embarrassed to talk about this kind of stuff, but I don’t really care. It’s no secret to anyone I know that I have digestive problems and there are only a few ways to figure out what those problems are and everyone pretty much knows what a colonoscopy is so why not talk about it.
So like I said, the actual procedure was no different than the upper endoscopy except for the fact that I didn’t have a sore throat after the colonoscopy and I did after the endoscopy (and no I did not have a sore ass either). The worst part, and anyone who’s had one will tell you the same thing, is the night before. With the endoscopy all I had to do was not eat after midnight, no big deal, but with the colonoscopy you need to completely clear your colon and that means you have to pass everything out of you. And that doesn’t just mean you can’t eat, it means you can’t eat and you have to drink this nasty laxative. For the entire day before the procedure I was only allowed to drink clear liquids so I survived on water and Sprite, but I was damn hungry by the time I left work for the day.
I got home the night before the procedure around 4pm and was instructed to take an anti nausea pill that they had prescribed as well as mix up the 1st liter of the MoviPrep liquid laxative stuff they prescribed. So I mixed up the full liter of liquid and put it in the fridge, I didn’t have to start drinking it until 5pm. So at 5pm my alarm went off and I grabbed the jug out of the fridge. I was instructed to drink 8 oz. of the liquid every 15 minutes for an hour until the whole liter was gone. So I poured 8 oz. out of the supplied jug and into another cup, set my alarm for 5:15 and started to chug. Now I know there are different liquid laxatives that different doctors prescribe cause my mom recently had to go through the same thing and she said her’s tasted like cherry due to a flavor packet they gave you… I most definitely did not have a flavor packet, it was disgusting. It was almost like the sourest, most nasty tasting lemonade I’ve ever had in my life. If you are prescribed MoviPrep I would ask to be switched to another one that has flavor packets, seriously.
I got through the first 1/2 liter (16 oz.) without a problem because I was chugging it as fast as I could every 15 minutes. The 2nd 1/2 of the jug was a little tougher especially since after the 3rd 8 ounces I could already feel the effects and was stuck in the bathroom for awhile. I literally drank the last 8 ounces while on the toilet… I know, awesome picture right, maybe you shouldn’t have read this if you didn’t want the full experience… it’s a colonoscopy for christ sake! Anyways, after the 1st liter was completed I had to drink another 16 ounces of clear liquid over the course of the next 2 hours before I started the 2nd liter. I’m pretty sure the anti nausea medicine I took was supposed to help with nausea, but it doesn’t do much when you’re drinking that much liquid, and disgusting liquid at that.
So after spending the next almost 2 hours on the shitter, I started drinking the 2nd liter of the MoviPrep stuff. Knowing what I knew, regarding the taste, from the first liter, I was totally dreading the 2nd liter. The first 8 ounces went down ok, but not great and it was the 2nd 8 ounces that put me over the edge. I tried to chug it but found myself struggling to keep it down. I started getting that weird taste in your mouth right before you know you’re going to puke. I had to walk around my apartment with my hands over my head to keep me from puking up all the liquid I just drank, and believe me I wanted to keep it down so I didn’t have to do this all over again. Well, after that 2nd 1/2 liter I couldn’t do it anymore. I knew that if I took another sip of the stuff I would puke everywhere and possibly ruin everything I’d already done, so I decided that 1.5 liters better do the trick and I cut myself off there.
I had done some reading earlier in the day and everything said that you only need to drink the liquid until you can see the bottom of the toilet after you go to the bathroom…. well I was basically pissing out of my ass for the past hour so I figured I was clear and the last 1/2 liter wasn’t going to do anything other than make me puke.
After drinking it all I felt ridiculously bloated for a while and spent a good deal of time in the bathroom still. I was able to get to bed about 10 pm mainly because I was completely exhausted from not eating all day and having to drink this stuff all night. I only woke up once in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and then again twice when I woke up. The procedure was scheduled for 8:40 am, I got the hospital at 8:10 am and was home by 10:15am. Just like the endoscopy I changed into a hospital gown, laid down on a bed, the nurse came in and asked a bunch of questions and started an IV for me, the tech then came in about 15 minutes later and wheeled me into the procedure room. It’s funny cause it was actually the same tech that was there for my endoscopy and he remembered me (I also told this story to my girlfriend 3 times in 5 minutes in the recovery room after the procedure). So I was wheeled into the procedure room and they gave me oxygen and then the doctor came in, asked a few questions, made me sign something and then injected the medicine into the IV. I remember about 3 minutes after the injection, again I told the doctor that I could feel it working and then that was it.
I woke up in the recovery room, don’t remember putting my clothes on, but I do remember leaving a few wet spots on the bed, haha, I told you I was going to be graphic, these things happen, deal with it. And this is when I told my girlfriend the same story about the tech, 3 times in 5 minutes. I really only remember telling her the last time because she was starting to get annoyed with me, but hey it’s not my fault I couldn’t remember, blame it on the doctor. And I know I said in my endoscopy post that I was going to bring my Flip camera and video tape myself after the procedure, but I didn’t feel as loopy after this one as I did the last time…. although looking back on it now and after what my girlfriend told me, maybe I was… another lost opportunity, oh well.
So that was that, she dropped me off at home and then left me there while she went and saw Lee DeWyze at the AT&T store… (I have such a caring girlfriend haha). I feel asleep for a good 5 hours and when I woke up I was fine. The effects of the medicine had pretty much worn off, although I was told I couldn’t drive all day, so I just hung around and played some Final Fantasy all day. And my bathroom habits were back to normal by the next day. So for those of you that haven’t had a colonoscopy now you know what to expect. Most people have their first one around age 50 to check for colon cancer and what not, so not everyone will experience it as young as I did, but at least I now have a heads up as to what to expect.