Potato vs. Girls Soccer Team

Q With His Potato Cannon

If you don’t know what a potato cannon (or Spud Gun) is then you probably did not have a good time when you were younger (although they can still be fun no matter what age you are). A potato cannon is basically a piece of PVC pipe attached to a wider piece of PVC pipe that has a screw on bottom and a gas grill igniter drilled into the side of it. I’m not going to explain how to make one here, if you search google you can find a million ways to make them, you can even use compressed air instead of hair spray as an propellant.

So one summer when we were all home from college, we decided to make a potato cannon and by one I mean 3. Apparently after our one friend made one, our other 2 friends needed their own, but theirs had to better, aka longer. They seemed to think that the longer the barrel the further thing potatoes would fly, which I believe is wrong. I don’t really know much about gun barrels and physics and whatever, but I would assume a longer barrel would only give you a little more accuracy as opposed to more distance.

These 3 cannons were taken pretty much anywhere we went since Chris couldn’t leave his at his house cause he didn’t want his mom to find it, so it just made home in his car. So one day we were over at Chris’ girlfriends house and were pretty bored so we started shooting potatoes straight up in the air. It was fun for a while, but got pretty old pretty fast which is when Q had a “brilliant” idea. He wanted to be shot with a potato and video taped while doing it. I think this was before Jackass even premiered on MTV, he just wanted to be shot for some reason. So seeing as how it wasn’t any of us getting shot, we agreed.

He didn’t want to get hurt so he put on a bunch of hockey pads, a catchers chest protector, and duct taped pillows to himself. So basically this was going to be pretty lame since he wasn’t going to get hurt at all… if we were even able to hit him. He was so scared of being hurt that he went pretty far away and wouldn’t let us get close to him and if you know anything about these cannons, they are far from accurate. Needless to say this day did not end with a call to 911 and a trip to the hospital, which was disappointing. And soon after that we were pretty bored again. So with nothing going on that night we decided to shoot all sorts of randm crap out of the cannon. Everything from potatoes, tennis balls, pork chops, crab apples, basically anything we could find. We would plug up the cannon with a potato first, then drop random shit down the barrel. And that was the end of night one….

The next day again, we were bored, as we were a lot over those summers since most of us only had part time jobs that didn’t take up the entire day and some of us didn’t even have jobs. So agin we busted out the potato cannons, but this time we didn’t want to just shoot them straight up, we wanted to see how far these things would fly, so we headed over to our high school. Next to the high school is a pretty large field that has a softball field, baseball field, the football field, and then on the other side of the football field were soccer fields and random practice areas. We set up in the far parking lot which was next to the softball field and the football field and decided we were going to see if we could shoot over the announcers booth on the football field.

We shot a good number of potatoes, probably over 30, over the announcers booth, then turned towards the baseball diamond, which was past the softball field, and started shooting that way towards a tent that was setup. After about 10 minutes of shooting towards this tent, a car pulls into the parking lot. At first we thought it was a cop so we stopped what we were doing and put the cannons behind the cars. Not like that would have stopped a cop from getting out of his car to come investigate, since there were like 5 of us jus standing around in a back parking lot. Turns out it was just some guy. He got out of his car and started walking towards us, we thought he was going to yell at us, but he just wanted to check out the cannons. So he came up, asked if those were potato cannons, we said yeah, he said, oh nice I’ve heard about those things, we said, cool old man, then he asked which way we were shooting. At that point we were shooting towards a random white tent, so that’s where we pointed, which is when he responded with “Ok good, cause there’s a couple girls soccer teams practicing behind the football grandstands.”

We all paused for a moment and looked at each other trying not to laugh, I think someone responded with, “nah, we’re shooting over there” and pointed back towards where we were currently shooting. And then the guy walked away and got back in his car. We immediately started laughing hysterically and started to see a group of girls walking back that way so we decided to leave.

I can only imagine a bunch of girls practicing soccer when one of them runs across a random potato in the field. I wonder if she picked it up and was like “What the fuck?” Or if someone got hit with one of them, that would have been classic. I can just picture her going to make a shot on the goal and just get railed in the side of the head by a potato. Those things could do some damage if you got hit I would assume, but I can only assume since we never actually hit Q with one.

I do have video of both of these incidents, but Q has the master DVD’s which I’ve been meaning to get back from him, so maybe I’ll do that and throw them up on YouTube.