The League: The Bachelor Draft Recap

Along with It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, The League had it’s season premiere on FXX last night as well with the episode titled “The Bachelor Draft”. I had the same feelings last year as I do this year, even just one episode in on each of the shows, but The League has become more consistently funny than It’s Always Sunny. Don’t get me wrong, I love “Sunny”, but “The League” just continues to step up their game, and last night’s season 5 premiere was no different.

Andre is getting married to Trixie even though she’s allergic to his seamen. So what better way to invite everyone to the California wedding than with a terrible homage to Top Gun called Top Groom. It’s exactly what we’ve come to expect from Andre’s videos. There was also another video sent to the guys from out of towner Ted, the winner of the fantasy football league last season, inviting them all out to visit him in California and to have the draft there. The only problem with all of this is that Trixie refuses to let Andre and his friends have their fantasy football draft in California the same weekend as their wedding, so the guys have to revert to a “secret draft”, which is really only secret in that the draft board has the word secret on it.

Before heading out to California though, one small issue has come up with the league… Ruxin is out. Being the sacko title holder the last two years means that the sacko punishments are going to be much worse, so rather than deal with the consequences, he straight up quits the league. I would have liked to have seen Ruxin dress up in the sacko costume and gotten the shit kicked out of him like Taco did at the beginning, but he was very adamant about quitting the league. And in lieu of not having a league he resorts to joining Rafi’s domination league, which was a bad idea.

Once everyone arrives in California and gets settled, we are finally introduced to the elusive Ted, who immediately informs everyone that when he moved out to California he started working out and lost like 70 pounds. Everyone was really impressed and happy for him until he told them that the reason he lost the weight, and changed his lifestyle, is that he as full blown AIDS, which Taco immediately confuses with HOV, the carpool lanes out in California. But never fear, Rafi shows up and tells him the secret to beating it, a baby aspirin as soon as you wake up… maybe 2, and it will clear up in no time. Later in the episode Rafi comes up with one of the greatest ideas in the world, and I’m made that I never thought of it…. Pocket Dogs. Ruxin calls him out when he continuously has hot dogs in his hands, and Rafi informs him that he always has hot dogs in his pockets. He also compares wiping his ass to rubbing peanut butter out of a shag carpet… he’s a classy guy.

The draft itself was cool, JJ Watt guest starred and made Ruxin’s picks for him, since everyone was pretty sure Ruxin would come back into the league after he saw how much fun it was. And I guess JJ Watt is going to be on next weeks episode as well. We didn’t get to see anyone elses picks because as soon as JJ Watt took a defense and a kicker (they gave him two picks), Ruxin changed his mind and put on the sacko costume. But before he could start his sacko punishments he was kidnaped by Rafi and brought out to an old junkyard where the other members of the domination league were waiting for him… including Dirty Randy and Sex Addict Russell, and I believe that was Jorma from The Lonely Island, but I’m too lazy to look it up. We don’t get to see what happens to Ruxin, but I can’t imagine anything good came of it considering Dirty Randy was running at him with a trident made of dildos… but I guess we’ll find out next week.

As I said, The League is consistently funny week after week. Some people have said that season 4 wasn’t as good as the previous ones, but I disagree, I like it just as much. I can’t wait to see what happens throughout the rest of the season. The Bachelor Draft was a great first episode, but I just pray that FXX and Comcast bring FXXHD to my house before next week… I can’t be watching this stuff in SD, it’s just not the same.

dirty randy trident made of dildos the league rafi

Dirty Randy and his Trident Made of Dildos

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