I think I say this every week, but this season is turning out to be quite an epic season and it looks like tonight will not disappoint. I mean come on, Roddy Piper is guest starring, it doesn’t get much better than that… As always I’ll be back tomorrow with a full rundown of the episode.
The Gang Wrestles for the Troops
The gang stages a wrestling show for returning troops. Meanwhile, Dee meets a soldier she’s been talking to online; but he isn’t what she expected. Roddy Piper guest stars.
“Ah, yes, that is Hulk Hogan’s signature look, blonde chinese hair and the skin of a hot dog, it’s awesome”.
The episode starts off with the gang sitting around watching old Hulk Hogan wrestling videos on Dee’s laptop. The guys think it’s fake, but Frank claims it’s definitely real. Dee then receives an instant message from an American Soldier in Iraq that she has been talking to as Desert Rose. Mac then comes to the conclusion that people these days aren’t proud to be Americans. So Charlie suggests that “wrastling” is the best way to celebrate America and to show their appreciation the guys decide to put on a wrestling match.
Check out more after the jump, along with the full Entrance song from The Birds of War!
So the gang heads down to a local warehouse to check out some small time wrestling and end up booking the place for that coming weekend. Apparently Mac and Charlie used to do a lot of backyard wrestling in the past known only as The Pigeon Boys, but Dennis thinks that name is a little sissy and decides that they should be eagles instead. Roddy Piper makes his appearance as a crazy wrestler that the gang thinks they should get to wrestle in their match for the troops. The gang gets him to agree to wrestle for a small fee of $30 weekdays, $50 weekends.
Meanwhile, Dee is waiting at the bus stop for her Soldier to come home. She is dressed up as a rose rockin green tights, a red dress and a red flower in her hair as well as holding a rose, she looks retarded. But that’s not the best part, she also has a stereo next to her that she is going to play Seal’s Kiss From A Rose as the soldier exits the bus… Frank runs up with a flyer and a welcome home gift for the soldier, a pair of jean shorts. As Frank is arguing with Dee, the soldier, Ben, comes off the bus only he’s in a wheelchair which apparently Dee did not know about. She makes up some bullshit story about how she’s not actually Desert Rose and the real Desert Rose couldn’t make it there so she sent Dee instead… then she runs off. Frank then turns on the radio, Kiss from a Rose creating an amazingly awkward moment where he invites Ben to the wrestling match and then lays the jean shorts on his legs, then he proceeds to salute him. This scene was so awkwardly awesome.
Back at the bar Dennis, Mac and Charlie have Roddy Piper there, who is on the phone arguing with a collection agency over $15. But enough of that, time to discuss the match. Frank runs in in a leotard with a garbage can spouting off on how his character is The Trash Man, he runs out into the ring and throws trash around, eating trash. Charlie suggests that he be the ref instead at which point he picks an apple out of the garbage and eats it, choking and throwing up in the garbage can.
After getting rid of Frank, the guys start talking about their characters, The Birds of War, and their entrance. Charlie wants to do some eagle screeching as they enter and then they want to do this song about how they soar through the air, how they live in a nest, how they protect their young from predators and how they regurgitate to their young. Dennis isn’t feeling the idea of the song, he had more of a bird men thing in mind instead of just coming off as birds. They decide to meet in the middle.
So Artemis is going to help Dee out by standing in as Desert Rose. They meet at a bar and Artemis is wearing a giant purple shirt instead of red that Dee told her to wear, she looks like a grape instead of a rose according to Dee, Artemis doesn’t care she’ll be Desert Grape instead. Artemis then asks Dee if Ben sent her any dick pics because he might be a mess down there. So she walks over to Ben only to discover that he can walk as he stands up to greet her. Dee is confused and walks over asking about the wheelchair. Ben informs her that he twisted his knee getting off the plane in Germany. He’s also rocking the jean shorts that the guys got him. Dee pulls Artemis aside and tells her to back off, but Artemis isn’t having any of it… “Hit me with your best shot you stupid bitch”.
Back at the bar Roddy Piper, Mr. Maniac, is pulling props out of his car subsequently hitting Charlie in the nuts with a spool of barb wire. He then informs the guys that nobody wants to see that old school bullshit anymore, it’s all about the blood these days. Maniac then mentions that the guys remind him of his kids, but apparently he doesn’t have kids anymore… “Did he kill his kids?” They then determine that the Maniac is living out of his car when the find a bucket of chestnuts in the back… “why the hell would you have a bucket of chestnuts?” And apparently every time Mac turned his back, the Maniac was calling him the N-word. “You stupid “N” go get the grease “N””. This is when the gang decides just to be hype men, but they need someone else to wrestle against the Maniac…. and that man is Rickety Cricket.
Cricket looks a lot cleaner than we last saw him although he is missing a tooth. The guys convince him to come wrestle as they will pay him and it’s all fake anyways. So now we’re at the wrestling match and we get our first glimpse of “The Birds of War” who look more like chickens and not eagles with painted on six packs. Dee storms in, dressed as a rose again, and informs the guys that she wants to sing the star spangled banner before the match. It’s at this point that the Maniac gets arrested for unpaid parking tickets. Frank suggests bringing the garbage man out of retirement to battle Cricket, but the guys decide to wrestle themselves. So that match starts with Cricket coming out as the Tali-bum, but is immediately put in his place as the birds of war come out doing their hype song, which is absolutely ridiculous (see song at the end of this post). They then squawk their way into the ring as Dee begins the “star spangled banner” which turns into Kiss From A Rose by Seal instead. But before she can get going Cricket runs in and smashes her in the face with a chair calling her a slut, and the match begins.
Dennis jumps in and squaks around as Cricket throws sand in his eyes and kicks him in the face. Charlie gets in the ring and Cricket throws sand in his eyes also, Mac decides that since Cricket will probably just throw sand in his eyes if he gets in the ring he’s just going to run away instead….. in comes Frank as The Trash Man who throws a garbage can at Cricket which must have had an edge because it catches Cricket in the neck and there’s blood everywhere. So Cricket is down, bleeding, Dennis and Charlie are down with sand in their eyes and Dee is down with a broken nose. Frank raises his hands and the crowd goes crazy, “I knew this shit wasn’t fake”.
What a great episode, I was dying during the entrance song the guys did at the wrestling match and Artemis talking about “dick pics” was pretty funny too. What did you guys think? If Halloween wasn’t tomorrow I would have gone as Bird of War….
Birds of War Entrance Song
stomp, clap, stomp, stomp, clap, stomp, clap, stomp, stomp, clap;
ahahhh ah ah, the eagles born out of thunder;
ahahhh ah ah, it flies through the night;
ahahhh ah ah, don’t you mess with his eggs now;
ahahhh ah ah, or you’ll see a fight;
ahahhh ah ah, yes we have feathers;
ahahhh ah ah, but the muscles of man;
ahahhh ah ah, cause we’re birds of war now;
ahahhh ah ah, but we’re also men;
birds of war! *squawk squawk*