It’s Always Sunny: The D.E.N.N.I.S. System (11/19/09)

Another week, another Sunny. This week it appears as though Dennis is going to finally reveal some of his secrets to getting women, although in the past I don’t know that we’ve actually seen him get with too many women so I’m a little leery as to how well this so-called system works. I guess we’ll find out tonight! And on a side note, did everyone pick up A Very Sunny Christmas? You can find our review of the ridiculous Christmas special here.

The D.E.N.N.I.S. System

Dennis tells the gang how he seduces women, but none of them can get the hang of it.

I’m warning you now, the recap below got a little long, I may have gotten slightly carried away with documenting everything that was going on, but it seems like they packed a lot of good stuff into this episode.

The D.E.N.N.I.S. system is the system that Dennis uses to seduce women and make them fall in love with him, even though they don’t know how madly in love with him they are, which is evident by the hateful voicemail his last conquest leaves for him, which he proudly plays for the gang.  And that is how the show opens, with this voicemail from a girl that is obviously quite pissed off at Dennis. It’s at this point that Dennis sits everyone down to the explain the DENNIS system. It’s a series of steps, of which the first letters of each step spell out DENNIS, thus the DENNIS system.

D – Demonstrate value
E – Engage Physically
N – Nurturing Dependence
N – Neglect Emotionally
I – Inspire Hope
S – Separate Entirely

Dennis explains how he Demonstrated his value to a cute pharmacist by forging a prescription and and telling her that his grandmother was very sick, thus making himself look like he has value. After explaining this Frank jumps in with his technique. He would have bought a box of magnum condoms thus demonstrating that he has a monster dong, which Dennis shot down and instead suggested that he have a magnum condom peaking out of his pocket when he goes to pay, much better plan.

The next step is to ask her out and move on to the next step which is to engage her physically. Dennis explains that he tries to get to this step to without going on the date at all because it’s a waste of time. He takes a girl to a restaurant that doesn’t take reservations, but he instead walks her in front of a restaurant that is always closed on Sundays at which point Dennis offers to just get a pizza and watch a movie back at his place. This is where Mac comes in, he sits on the couch pretending that there is a black widow spider in his room so he can’t go in there, thus forcing Dennis and the girl to eat pizza and watch a movie on Dennis’ bed, which eventually leads to sex. Great line here, when the girl says “Pizza’s good” Dennis’ response “You’re the one that’s good”, then they start to make out.

The next step comes after you’ve had sex, naturally all women will then become dependent on you for things. Nurturing dependence is making the girl depend on you for things. Dennis suggests slashing her tires or having her car towed in order for her to depend on your for a ride. Or his personal go to is to create a fictional angry neighbor of which you will take care of. In actuality it’s Dennis calling her using a threatening voice, from a pay phone.

The next step is to Neglect Emotionally, stop taking her phone calls, cancel all plans, call her back as the angry neighbor but don’t rescue her this time. Dennis’ angry laugh when it cuts back to the bar was classic. And this is the best time to move on with the next step to Inspire Hope. Dennis shows up at the girls window and explains that he was distant because he was scared she was going to break his heart at which point they bang. This scene is hysterical, playing Take My Breath Away in the background we see Dennis and the girl against a blue background as they bang. And after the sex comes the last step, Separate Entirely, which is where Dennis sneaks out the window never to see her again.

Charlie brings up the idea that Dennis has set everything up so that he can get any of these girls back at any point at which Dee claims that there is no way, which Dennis takes as a challenge claiming he can have the girl back by the end of the day. Mac then tells Dee that she doesn’t get this stuff because it’s men stuff at which point the guys bust into a “Men Stuff” chant as they do some air humping and Charlie rides a bull while making monkey noises…. yeah weird scene there. Mac then suggests that Dee is getting DENNIS’d by her boyfriend right now, who happens to be ‘Soldier of Fortune’ from the previous episode. The guys don’t believe that Dee has a boyfriend, but Dee explains that he’s waiting for her in the car and has been waiting this entire time with the engine off and the windows up. When asked if Dee told him not to roll the windows down or turn on the air conditioner she tells them that she just didn’t tell him to do those things so he didn’t.

So back at the pharmacy Dennis goes up to the girl and apologizes and tells her that nana took a turn for the worse and that he’s doing terrible. She then tells Dennis that she doesn’t think his grandma exists because she looks into the Dr. Dennis mentioned, Dr. Toboggan. Dennis walks away defeated only to run into Mac who is swooping in on his chick which is apparently Mac’s system, The M.A.C. – Move in After Completion. He moves in on all the girls Dennis bangs after he’s done with them, he’s swimming in his wake. And of course, Frank walks up with his magnum condoms and a wad of hundreds explaining that he’s there to pick up Mac’s scraps.  Mac makes the comparison of Frank’s activities to a mantis, which Frank loves and tells them to call him Mantis from then on. The guys back off as Dennis tells them that he’s trying to re-DENNIS the girl.

‘Soldier of Fortune’ aka Ben, takes Dee on a picnic which she assumes is one of his methods for playing her. She decides to leave on her own so she doesn’t have to depend on him, yet she ends up falling down a huge hill and then starts running through the woods. And now one of the best scenes in the episode, we get to see the waitress again.

The Waitress comes home from working at the local fair to find Charlie in her kitchen “fixing” her garbage disposal, but in actuality he’s been breaking in when she’s at work and putting hair down the drain. Back at the bar Charlie explains that he’s doing everything right and he can’t get passed the letter “D”. The system is too complicated for Charlie, he’s just going to go back to stalking. Dee walks in looking like shit because she spent the night in the woods. At this point Dennis interjects and tries to work out everyone’s problems by going into a sort of trance as he conducts an imaginary symphony. He comes up with a plan to solve everyone’s issues, at the fair.

Charlie is going to Demonstrate Value to the Waitress by winning a prize at her booth, and then giving the prize to the bustiest woman he can find. Dee has no value so her only hope is to lower Ben’s value by flirting with a Carny in front of him, which will be Frank posing as one. Mac is going to resume his role as the caring roommate and invite the pharmacist girl to the fair where Dennis will be waiting with a fake grandma.

At the fair Dennis brings the old lady that played the piano in the Nightman Cometh play. He’s pushing her around in a wheel chair as she makes comments about her lesbian grandmother having an affair with Susan B. Anthony. Charlie finds the waitress, but her game is not a game, it’s Speed Pitch, which just measures how fast you can throw. Mac and the pharmacist then run into Dennis and his “nana”. Dee gets Ben to paint his face like a lizard to which he responds “I Like Turtles” which is a nod to the great YouTube clip of the zombie kid exclaiming that he likes turtles to the news cameras. And now we get Frank, who is definitely not dressed like a carny and decides he’s taking a different angle as Dr. Mantis Toboggan and instead of letting Dee hit on him in front of Ben he walks up to Dennis and tells him that the tests came back and he has the HIV.  That is apparently Frank’s angle, he wants 2nds from now on not 3rds, so his plan was to break down the girl by making her think she has the HIV then he swoops in…. great plan.

Back at the waitress’ booth Charlie throws a fastball at a whooping 15 MPH. Dee and Ben walk over and Dee finds a real carny who immediately stabs her in the stomach with a key because apparently Charlie told him to stab the Waitress and he was going to jump in and pull her away at the last second saving her life or something. Dennis runs over yelling “wrong, wrong, wrong”, Charlie was instead supposed to let the waitress get stabbed, hopefully hitting an artery and when she’s dying Charlie nurses her back to health making her totally dependent on him. Dennis tells everyone that they have no idea what they are doing and only Ben is the only one that is working the system, but Ben has no idea what he’s talking about. Dennis asks him if he really got his face painted like a god damn frog person for real, to which Ben replies “I’m a lizard”. And of course Frank then drops his magnum condom on the ground, that he uses for his magnum dong.

And the episode ends with the old lady sitting by herself asking if someone can give her a ride home. I thought it was a pretty good episode, Ben with his lizard face and his reactions to things was pretty hysterical and Charlie and his bag of hair were pretty good too.

And for those wondering, the pharmacist in this episode is actually Glenn Howerton’s wife, Jill Latiano.

And a couple animated gifs for you all

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