This is the episode of It’s Always Sunny that I’ve been waiting for. The very first promo clip I saw for the new season was of Charlie asking “Does your cat make too, much, noise? Then try kitten mittens” as he sits on the couch watching a cat awkwardly walk across the coffee table in front of him, subsequently falling off the edge, classic. Hopefully the rest of the episode lives up to the promo clip.

Paddy’s Pub: Home of the Original Kitten Mittens

With a merchandising convention in town, the gang tries to build the Paddy’s brand by developing marketable products, such as mittens for kittens.

Updated: Added some animated gifs from this episode after the jump.

Another classic episode. We start off with Charlie’s video pitch for “Kitten Mittons!!”, yes mittons with an “o”. The best part is when the cat walks along the coffee table in front him and then falls off the edge, same thing that we saw in the promo clips, but it’s still hysterical. Charlie then explains to the gang that there is a merchandising convention in town and he’s going to try to sell his kitten mitten idea. The guys decide they want to get into merchandising Paddy’s, but Dee informs them that when they made her sign a contract, which was only supposed to allow the guys to pay her less than minimum wage, there was a clause that gave her 100% of the merchandising rights to Paddy’s. Of course as soon as she pulls the contract out of a drawer, Mac grabs it and proceeds to eat it, thus negating the contract so the guys are now free to sell merchandise promoting Paddy’s.

Frank wants to go in a different direction that Mac and Dennis, he wants to sell green hard boiled eggs with Paddy’s written on them that you can sit on your desk or car dashboard… it was probably the stupidest idea ever. Meanwhile, Dee and Charlie go pay a visit to the lawyer, who has now made his 3rd appearance on the show, to ask about patenting kitten mittens and if Dee can sue the guys for breach of contract. Needless to say the lawyer is not happy to see them especially when he finds out that the reason they got into his office was because they locked his secretary in a closet.

Back to Mac and Dennis, they each come up with a different idea for their merchandise. Dennis comes up with Paddy’s thongs and proceeds to wear it around to show Mac. Mac comes up with the dick towel, which you can apparently buy at dicktowel.com, it is a towel with the outline of a naked ass on the back and on the front is an comically large dick or if you swap it around it’s a comically small dick. Dennis loves the dick towel and they decide that they should go with that, that is until Frank barges in with his new idea. Frank comes up with the gun shot, which is basically a gun that shoots shots into your mouth only Frank couldn’t figure out how to make a gun shoot shots so he has some hot chick following him around and when he points the gun in Mac’s face, the chick just throws a shot in his eyes. Needless to say, Mac and Dennis decide to steal the gun idea, but instead of a handgun they use a shotgun.

While the guys are doing all this merchandising, Dee and Charlie are still annoying the hell out of the lawyer by trying to blackmail him for cheating on his wife. Turns out his wife is actually leaving him and he’s been forced to sleep in a seedy motel because of it, not because he’s cheating. Classic moment is when Charlie and Dee are staking him out in a car when he sees them and starts walking towards them, not knowing what to do Dee and Charlie slump down in the car hoping he won’t see them… yeah, it’s his car. So that doesn’t work out well and the lawyer kicks them out and explains his divorce situation hoping they’d leave him alone.

Back at the lawyers office, Dee and Charlie feel bad about the whole divorce thing and never paying the guy, so they decide to buy him a prostitute to make up for it. I’m not sure how they could afford the hooker instead of just paying him outright, but whatever. So as Dee and Charlie are presenting the hooker to the lawyer as payment as well as trying to get a patent on kitten mittens, Mac and Dennis barge in with their own large breasted woman as they are trying to get a patent on the gun shot and the large breasted woman… yeah, no idea. And of course, Frank then barges in with his hot chick (who is Kristen De Luca in case you were wondering) trying to sue Mac and Dennis for stealing his idea. So in the end the lawyer decides to help all of them out and presents a compromise for each of their situations which they all agree upon. He also does not like Dennis’ idea of a “frame bang” where Dennis would sneak into his house and have sex with his wife while she is asleep, thus giving the lawyer the excuse that she cheated on him.

Later, at the merchandise convention the gang presents their pitch video to try and get some investors. It’s the worst video ever, basically just the 3 chicks dancing around in bikinis blasting people in the face with shot-guns while Dennis jumps in to promote his nudie pen and Mac gives a shout out to the dick towel. Needless to say they did not get any investors, however, Charlie’s kitten mittens were a huge hit and he did manage to find someone to give him money. At which point the lawyer walks in and explains that the contracts he drew up, that they all signed without reading, gave him 100% of the profit to any merchandise licensed to Paddy’s as well as the rights to Kitten Mittens and a restraining order against all of them. When Mac asks to see a copy of the contract he immediately eats it, but of course the lawyer has 100’s of copies, but for some reason Mac continues to eat it until Dennis tells him he can stop…

I thought this was a great episode overall with the videos they made being the best, but it wasn’t until I saw the promo video for the dick towel, which I will embed later, that the sheer brilliance of the videos shows.

For those wondering who the busty chicks on this episode were, Franks girl is Kristen De Luca, Charlie/Dee’s blond prostitute is Heather Chadwell (from Rock of Love) and Mac/Dennis’ freakish brunette is Dahlia Dark. (Thanks to alwayssunnybarfly for the last 2)

Animated gifs after the jump

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  • alwayssunnybarfly

    And incase you were wondering the hooker was played by Heather Chadwell from Rock Of Love and the busty brunette girl was played by Dahlia Dark.

  • AC Slater

    Thanks for the info, a lot of people have been searching google for that information and ending up here so thanks!

  • Dortha Cokins

    Speaking about kittens, mine did something so cute today. She keeped jumping around trying to chase a fly and eventually got dizzy and started walking funny. I wish I video taped it because it was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

  • AC Slater

    Speaking about comments, Dortha, yours has absolutely nothing to do with this post. Have you ever seen the show It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia? I’m guessing not and this post was just a way to get a link back to whatever hotel that is, but guess what, since the post was totally unrelated to the topic I think I’ll go ahead and remove the link, but thanks for the comment. At least try next time you want to spam a site, just a little bit of effort makes it a lot easier to decide who’s links stay and who’s go.