This movie showed up in my mail box yesterday fro Netflix and I kind of wish it hadn’t. Kristin Kreuk of Smallville fame, stars in this “reinvention” of the Street Fighter movies, and honestly they should have just stuck with the original Van Dame version. So the story follows Chun-Li as she grows up learning to fight and play the piano, her father is eventually kidnapped by M. Bison, who looks nothing like the character in the video games, and it’s up to her to leave her life of luxury and track down Gen, the man that will teach her how to defeat Bison. Chris Klein also makes an appearance in this flick, it may be his first movie since Rollerball, which has got to be one of the worst movies ever made. Moon Bloodgood also has a role, but I couldn’t really tell what her job was other than to look hot, and that was fine with me.
Obviously I went into this expecting nothing but maybe a few nice shots of Kristin Kreuk and Moon Bloodgood, but what I got was the worst performance of any actor I’ve seen lately in Chris Klein. At one point I stopped even caring about whether or not Chun-Li was going to save her father and defeat Bison, so long as I could see Chris Klein yell “Nash, out” into another walkie talkie. And what’s with Michael Clark Duncan taking all these shitty roles lately? Didn’t the man win some sort of award for The Green Mile? And now he’s playing Balrog in a street fighter movie? Wow, talk about a fall from grace, dude needs to get a new agent or something. And what’s with the Black Eyed Peas being cast in these types of movies lately. Vega is played by Taboo from the BEP’s and even in the small role he has, he’s pretty terrible. He even wears a mask for most of the movie and is still bad. And earlier this year we were blessed with Will I Am.’s role in Wolverine. And obviously we’ve seen Fergie in a few movies (Planet Terror, Poseidon) but she’s kinda hot in a paper bag sort of way so I’ll let that one slide. The only one we haven’t seen in a movie is “that other guy”, I don’t even know his name to be honest, I think it’s apple be bop or something, but anyways, nobody cares.
Chun-Li was a pretty terrible movie in general, the fight scenes were bad, the acting was bad, the storyline itself was pretty terrible and the casting was pretty bad. I think the only good casting was Michael Clark Duncan as Balrog, that was pretty spot on, but Bison is not a 5 foot 6 blond guy with blue eyes that wears a black suit constantly. And then there’s Chris Klein… you know that gurgling you get in your stomach after you eat something that doesn’t agree with you and then you spend 20 minutes in the bathroom fixing the problem? Well that “problem” that you just flushed down the toilet can probably act better than Chris Klein.
If you’re curious, check it out, but don’t expect too much except for some eye candy in Kristin and Moon, other than that you’re in for a treat when “Nash” is on screen. Did anyone else see this pile of shit? What did you guys think? I honestly didn’t think the original Street Fighter with Jean Claude Van Dame and all those other guys was that terrible, I mean it’s not a good movie by any means, but I feel like it was more entertaining than this latest attempt. I can’t see how any sequels are going to get green lit for this, but we’ll see.