When this trailer was first released last year I knew instantly that the movie was going to be a huge pile of shit, but what I didn’t realize is that it was going to be a pile of shit so high that it would block out the sun.

With nothing to do last night for a few hours I sat down and popped in “Bucky Larson Born to be a Star” starring Nick Swardson and Christina Ricci. Yes, Christina Ricci is in this piece of shit and I have no idea why she would ever agree to it. I mean, Don Johnson is in it as well, but that guy need to take whatever roles he can get, so no complaints there. The movie is written by Adam Sandler, Nick Swardson and Allen Covert so while that doesn’t give me high hopes for the movie, I at least thought there would be some amusing moments… It wasn’t really funny at all. I like Nick Swardson, I really do, I thought he was great in Grandma’s Boy as well as 30 Minutes or Less, but slap some ridiculous buck teeth on him and a terrible haircut and he just acts like a complete moron. And I understand the character was supposed to be a complete moron, but it was just a little over the top.

The plot of the movie is pretty simple, Bucky Larson has never jerked himself off so one night while hanging out with a bunch of friends they all decide to watch a porn together. All of the friends act like retarded versions of Sloth from The Goonies, it’s as if they’ve been locked in their parents basements for years and the only thing they do to pass the time is jerk off to terrible 70’s porn. So the guys are walking Bucky through the steps of jerking off: 1. take your dick out, 2. grab it, 3. jerk it furiously and Bucky starts going at it as soon as the movie starts. He’s jerking it comically hard with both hands, which doesn’t make any sense since we find out later that his dick is the size of a peanut, when all of a sudden the faces of the movie stars are revealed as being his parents. On top of the fact that he’s jerking off in front of all his friends, which he doesn’t have a problem with, he also doesn’t have a problem with the fact that his parents were huge porn stars in the 70’s. In fact, he actually confronts them about it as soon as he sees them and they show him all of the old movies they were in. Which leads me to a question, how old is Bucky Larson? He seems like he could be a naive 15 year old kid, but he clearly is not…

I will say that the only redeeming factor of this movie, which isn’t really redeeming at all in this case, was Christina Ricci… and only cause she looks really good throughout the entire thing. I’ve never really found her that attractive, although she’s not unattractive, but for some reason I thought she looked really really good in this flick. Ok, I take that back… not the fact that she’s attractive, but the fact that she was the only redeeming thing in this movie, Kevin Nealon was pretty funny as well, but he’s only on screen for a total of maybe 2 minutes the entire movie.

This movie was terrible, as I expected. Normally when I sit down to watch a movie I actually sit down and pay attention, but I couldn’t bring myself to sit and do nothing else but watch Nick Swardson’s career flame up like a dick that was jerked off so furiously, raw, that it burst into flames from the friction. This movie should have never been shown in theaters and the box office numbers prove me right. The movie cost $10 million to make and only grossed $2.3, I guess that’s not terrible considering it was only in theaters for 2 weeks before being pulled. I really think that if all of Adam Sandler’s friends want to make another movie together they should just do Grandma’s Boy 2 and be done with it. They are trying way to hard to build off of the cult following that, that movie has it’s sad. Nobody wants to see these other flicks and it’s going to be very hard to recreate the magic of Grandma’s Boy again (although I know I’m in the minority in saying that I did enjoy Strange Wilderness).

So do yourself a favor and don’t bother with this one. I would rather tape a fork to my dick and fuck an electrical socket than watch this flick again. Shocking!

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What started as a hobby has turned into so much more. The site has changed over the course of the years, but we just try to write about what we enjoy.