Benjamin Button: Man Baby

I have yet to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, but I already have to question the premise of the movie. I understand that it’s a fictional movie and that something like this reverse aging,  can’t happen, but my questions come from the way the “aging” is portrayed in the movie. Now even though I have not seen the movie myself, a couple of my co-workers have and we have discussed this many times so I know that it doesn’t happen at any point in the movie.

The idea behind the movie is that Benjamin Button is an old man when he is born. He’s obviously young in years, but his body is like that of an old man, yet he’s small in size. This is where my first complaint comes from, if it was truly reverse aging wouldn’t he be born a full size man? I would think if he’s starting out as an old man, body wise, he should have the full body of an old man. So while old men aren’t necessarily the tallest people (as people usually shrink as they get older) he would still be of average height which would have made for a terribly painful birth and chances are his mother would have never survived to see her freak man-child grow up to be an elderly baby. But of course this isn’t how the movie works, he’s born at about the same size as a normal baby but he has old wrinkly skin, frail bones, poor eye sight, and other features that an old man would have.

As he goes through life trying to show up Forrest Gump, he begins to get younger, stronger, more Brad Pitt-like in appearance and basically ages in reverse. So when he’s middle aged, he’s pretty much peaked, and then starts to grow younger in appearance, but older in age. Now, as I am told by my co-workers, he gets back to being a baby and just falls asleep and dies or something, as a small baby-man-child thing. At first I was a little disappointed in this because I thought for sure we would get to see him go all the way down to the fetus level and just disappear. Maybe once he gets down to a fertilized egg state they could have artificially placed the egg back inside his mother and had him reborn, possibly as a normal child this time or maybe even more freakish than he was the first time. That would be a sweet way to do a sequel, the mother kept the body as it got smaller and smaller then just jammed the egg up in her and had herself the same son again, but he still had all the memories from the first time he was born so instead of having the brain capacity and knowledge of a 2 year old and looking like he’s 100, he would have a lifetime of knowledge and be a baby. It might get a little weird when the baby comes out and instead of crying he asks for a beer, but I think the shock would wear off pretty quickly once the mother realized how she could exploit him and make millions, but that’s not really the point I’m trying to make here, although I would be up for writing a script for the sequel if there are any producers out there.

Back to the story of Benjamin Button: Man Baby. So he gets older in years, but younger in appearance and yet when he’s born he’s not born a full grown old man like he should be. Ok, so if he wasn’t born big he should still die big right? He should technically  have the body of an old man yet the features of a baby if the story was to truly follow the same path. So why at the end of the movie is he a baby?!?!?! This makes no sense to me. At the end of the movie we should be left with a full grown man (full grown as in like an 80 year old man) with the features of a baby, big googly eyes, possibly a full head of lush hair, always a big smile on his face, huge head and a terrible sense of balance. These are the things we should have ended up with at the end, but he should still have a lifetime of knowledge, so despite the fact that he has a hard time wiping his own ass (which isn’t necessarily specific to a baby) he should still be able to tell you about his time in the war or about all those chicks he banged when he looked like Brad Pitt. I don’t know if I’d still have him bang his girl at that point though, I think it would be weird for both the audience to watch as well as his woman to endure. Plus if we’re following this new path of aging he shouldn’t be able to get a hard on since his body would have gone through reverse puberty. He could probably be the only guy that could go to a rated R movie with his 17 year old son and get denied.

As much as the movie stretches the imagination, and steals the plot line from Forrest Gump, as it is, I think the writer should have really though things through and realized that shrinking down into a baby would not really be possible and that the story should have gone the way I mentioned above. Hopefully my idea for a sequel will be taken seriously and put into production, I really think it could be an Oscar contender in the near future.